Stephanie Tanner’s Makeout Party Mixtape

Who are the rebel icons who inspired your wild spirit in your formative years? David Bowie? Courtney Love? Gia from Full House?

Yeah, Gia from Full House. Me too. Because she started smoking when she was 11 and threw makeout parties and had a perpetual jean jacket that epitomized the word “bitchin.” Clearly I was a Stephanie Tanner (precocious sarcastic nerd rocking questionable haircuts) tryna be a DJ (good at school, boys, and having blonde hair/ editor of the school newspaper). But Gia was maybe my first exposure to a TV bad girl, (even though they reformed her in later seasons and made her a fun loving side kick, who knows why, we all know that role belonged to Kimmy Gibler). Her final rebellion pre-sidekick transition takes place in one of my favorite sitcom episodes—the one, the only, “Making Out Is Hard to Do.”

After school special style episodes of all 90s family sitcoms are clearly the best, and “Making Out Is Hard To Do” is no exception. Gia throws a lights-out, frenching-fest while her mom is working the night shift at the restaurant. Stephanie, of course, shows up with a board game. But even she can’t escape the strong desire to mack, which she does, briefly, before (25 YEAR OLD SPOILER YOU GUYS) she calls home for a ride and the party gets busted by one of our nation’s filthiest comedians.

I fulfilled my life long dream of becoming an early 90s makeout party DJ with this playlist, and answered the question on all of our minds: What would Gia put on her makeout party mixtape? Lets take a closer look:

• “Satellite” by Dave Matthews Band: Oh Gia, little do you know that this will remain the makeout music du jour for the next several decades of bros. And no one can completely avoid the siren song of bros. Look forward to OAR.
• “All That She Wants” by Ace of Base: Because it is the 90s and it is mandatory and you already ruined “I Saw the Sign,” or maybe you do that in the future? There are limits to my Full House knowledge. There aren’t many, but there are some.
• “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star: Obviously swiped from the tape deck of a brooding college aged older sister who we never see. I imagine her coming home on breaks with a backpack full of zines and feelings and a Tiger Trap tape.
• “The Sweetest Taboo” by Sade: Falls into the “stolen from mom” category, a category that, if the show had gone on for three more seasons, would’ve included the station wagon and some cheap chardonnay.
• “Back And Forth” by Aaliayah: The jam, forever and always. Pairs well with makeout party mainstays like “I’ll Make Love to You” and “Dreamlover.”

Hey—were early 90s hits racy in a way that feels, while technically less explicit in language, more frankly sexual? I used to sing the words to many of these songs, loudly, whenever I got the chance, and the results of relistening now are blush-worthy.

Anyway—go forth. Makeout. Channel you inner rebellious teen. Meet me in the comments for a 90s nostalgia party—your favorite cringeworthy early 90s song, or Full House episode. GO!

Top 5 Posts of 2012

This year, you read, you clicked, you shared, and you showed us what you’re interested in: hardcore 90s nostalgia, losing your virginity, majoring in English, no regrets breakups, and alternative love songs. Here are excerpts from our Top 5 posts of 2012, based on traffic, and featuring two of our lovely guest bloggers, Amy Berkowitz and Miriam Doyle. Click the links to check out the full posts!

 

1. Top 5 Forgotten 90s Songs, by Claire 

“Boom Boom Boom Boom” by the Venga Boys

I remember this song from NFTY (National Federation of Jewish Youth) dances, which shows how current their song choice was, since those dances took place in the early 00s. Some girl with a side ponytail always ended up doing a Salt and Peppa style push it move to the “Boom Boom Boom Boom” chorus as her friends stood around her in a circle and laughed. She was, of course, the wild one. (This entire concept of the wild child being a girl with goofy hair dancing to a 10 year old song is indicative of Jewish youth group hijinks. Throw some awkward makeout sessions at poorly supervised dances and pilfered Manischewitz in there, and you have the full text of a very strange and thankfully brief chapter of my social life)

The Venga Boys were part of a Euro-pop techno moment that happened in the late 90s. They were joined by the “change-that-station-STAT!” likes of  ”Blue Da Ba Dee” by Eiffel 65 and “All Around the World” by ATC, and their clear 2000s spawn of Cascada and…I know there are others, but please don’t make me listen to more of their music. I can’t. Cascada is all you get! I blame this entire phenomenon on “A Night at the Roxbury,” the first proof I ever had that if you mock something enough, you may inevitably fall in love with it. Like little boys on a playground, America threw a pile of rocks at “A Night at the Roxbury,” and we ended up with the Venga Boys. Whomp Whomp.

2. Alternative Love Songs, by Miriam Doyle

“Tell Him” by The Exciters

This song came out in 1962 and I think that it continues to be startling, when given a little thought. Growing up in a culture that is still rife with gender roles and standard narratives, one can’t help but internalize certain expectations. Men pursue, ladies are demure and coy and always tend towards subtle maneuvers over aggression, both sexes play head games and don’t wish to ever lay all their cards on the table at the outset of the mating dance. And then this adorable #4 hit song comes along advocating… what? Only that women should initiate when their feelings are strong (“Go out and get him… right NOW”). That far from trying to fan the flames of frustrated passion or maintain ones mysterious allure, you should actually be upfront. Of course, people do still play mind games and languish by the phone without daring to confront their uncertainty, but this song still gives me hope for a positive trend. And when it comes on and I’m alone, I’m always moved to shake my bum in a sudden burst of joyful assertiveness.

3. Top 5 Songs About Losing Your Virginity, by Miriam Doyle 

“We Looked Like Giants” by Death Cab For Cutie

This is hardly an unfamiliar sound.  After the Postal Service exploded into popularity in 2003, for a while it seemed like every aspiring indie pop singer was attempting to emulate Ben Gibbard’s fey and somewhat nasal tones and cadences.  However, no matter how saturated the radio gets with imitators, Ben still manages to be sweet and emphatic, and I think he sounds perfect for this song.  This sounds like one spectacularly rosy youthful memory.  Remember being young and having sex in cars because you didn’t have your own places?  Remember cutting classes?  Remember being in love in the spring time, and awkward fumbles?  That’s the sort of affair that’ll make your heart sing to think about, even after it ends.

4. No Guilt: Top 5 No Regrets Breakup Songs, by Amy Berkowitz

“Amplifier” by The dB’s*

Breaking up with a self-obsessed musician? Great! I have just the song for that: It’s called “Amplifier,” and it’s another song by the dB’s. It’s got a strong narrative structure and sort of a country twang, and it starts: “Danny went home and killed himself last night.” Why did Danny kill himself? Because his ex-girlfriend broke into his house and stole everything — except for his amplifier. “She took his car, she took his bike / She took everything she thought he liked / And what she couldn’t take, she found a way to break / She left his amplifier.” Why is that especially depressing? Let’s look to the bridge for an explanation: “An amplifier’s just wood and wire / And wire and wood won’t do any good / When your heart is blazing like a wildfire / And all you’ve got to show for it’s an / Amplifier.” The music video is terrific. It features guitarist Peter Holsapple as Danny, who stands on a ladder with a noose around his neck, and later plays guitar while sitting on the ladder with the noose around his neck. Then, the other guys in the band heft up a piano so he can play piano while sitting on the ladder with the noose around his neck. Watch it until the haunting image of the towering amplifier rising out of smoke burns into your retinas. That’s how your self-obsessed musician ex-boyfriend feels right now: completely empty and lonely and starting to realize that he should’ve valued you more than his dumb gear. Or, he might be stoned and listening to Spacemen 3 and not thinking about you at all. But surely he’s having this realization on some level.

5. Top 5 Songs for English Majors, by Claire

“Wuthering Heights” by Kate Bush

Kate Bush explores the emotional journey of Catherine in Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Height. The song is sung from her perspective and addressed to her doomed love interest, Heathcliff. I was a bookish kid from the get go, and I remember really liking this song around elementary school, when my dad played it for me during a heavy Brontes period (It ended with a viewing of the very creepy BBC version of “Jane Eyre,” and was revived in college when I wrote a lengthy thesis on “Wide Sargasso Sea.”) It’s an odd song, full of shrill wailing and twinkly Casio keyboard piano riffs, but the video is amazing: Kate Bush does what looks like an SNL impersonation of an interpretive dance in a field. She even “magically” appears at the beginning, folded up in a very high school actor pose, forehead smushed against her tangled arms and legs. It’s dated in a way that’s not even attached to a decade; the song is from 1978, and this might be my age showing, but it seems impossible that this was ever current. But you know who didn’t feel that way? Tupac Shakur, who included it in the soundtrack of his life in high school.